I feel so low right now. My main frustration with this current state of being is that...it's so common. satan definitely knows how to get me. He always starts with my weaknesses or insecurities. Most recently, it has been my insecurities with my talents: my singing ability, my dancing ability, my acting ability, my musical abilities.It stinks. The more I face this particular 'lowness', the more I realize that without validation with these things, without my practicing and integrating these things in my life, I feel rather useless. Empty. Un-me like. I need someone to believe in me, even if it's just enough to make me feel like it's ok to dream.
I find myself isolating my 'talents' more and more. I don't like singing or dancing or acting or playing for anyone anymore, because I am so fearful of rejection. I once had a friend who loved to hear me sing. Everytime we talked on the phone, he would ask me to sing sixteen bars. It was awesome. I felt empowered, like my talents were special, and worth being desired. I guess I'm beating around the bush here with alot of stuff, but I just...I can't allow myself to say it...not here at least.
I just want to sing beautiful songs for someone. I want to be believed in. Mate.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment